12/29/10

Hello 11 followers ^w^
Yay  11!  That beats my record of 3 including myself XD


I went to my friend Jessica's new house yesterday.  We scraped paint off of her bookcase XD Then we moved the bookcase and her bed into her room. We taped posters on the wall but they kept falling off because her wall is too rigid >.<  We played Go Fish about 10 times.  I won once..... Luck, where did you go???  I saw CATS for the first time too ^^  My favorite cats are Munkustrap, Mestoffelees, and Jemima.  CATS the musical is amazing O.O  It makes me want to become a better actor, singer, and dancer ^^
Their dancing amazes me O.O
I have learned the Hare Hare Yukai and I will hopefully record and post it tomorrow ^^
Today the snow is about 6 inches?  We have the longest drive way in the world; that's a hyperbole in case you actually believed me XD.  It's not fun shoveling that much snow >.<  The snow is gorgeous though.  I love how it falls in little ivory strings and puts a white coating on all that is exposed.  Darkness, even at night, exists no more when snow has invaded.  I adore the snow.  I just don't like the snow when it is black or brown or yellow.  Pure snow that hasn't been defiled by societies toxins is the best.  I usually close my curtain at night so my neighbors can't see my in my room, but I left them open today so I can see the snow resting on the trees ^w^  The picture is the view from one of the windows in my room.

Is it just me that likes snow?

12/25/10

I am really melancholic today TT.TT
I have 27 thumbs down on my Hoot dance T.T  I didn't think I did that bad but I guess I did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfSY-VlCH2Q

How is my dream supposed to come true if people don't even like my videos >.<  I don't think I will win the contest at this rate.  I didn't have any thumbs down until the 23rd T.T   what happened?  It's the Eve of Christmas Eve, quick lets get some haters up in the house...
Other people who entered the same dance for the contest and have less views than me have waayyy more thumbs up than I do T-T  This is my most hated video....  What happened?  I dance one Korean dance instead of a Japanese one and everyone starts hating it  TT.TT

To top it all off my mom says my dancing is "eh."
Thanks mom your support is what keeps me going.... not

12/23/10

Hello~

Recently I have been practicing singing XD  I have been using karaoke I find on youtube and practicing singing to it ^^
We were going to clean the mosque around 10 this morning, but we didn't leave until 12 pm because my mom had a really bad stomach ache :(
My mom has this friend... um.... I don't quite understand her status >.<  But this friend is the most annoying human being ever!   She calls my mom and talks to her for hours literally!  Most of the things she says is just repeats of things she has already said.  She attempts to make herself have a good light.  She says things like, "Ha.  Back in Bosnia they only showered once every two weeks but I showered twice every week!"  Basically everything she says is about herself and she's the best person in the world any everything great happens to her.  Did you know she changed her tired 3 times this month?  She forgot she already told my mom she changed her tires >.<  But the guys sold the tires to her cheaper than everybody else in that shop.

I dusted the lamp fixtures in our bathroom.  My mom told me not to dust the hot lamps with a wet rag because the cold water could make the lamp break XD   Hmmm... >->     

12/22/10

Yo Elyssa... my only reader XD
I kept my previous posts awfully apathetic.  I thought people are going to read this, they don't care how I feel they just want to know what happened.... boy I was wrong... People don't even care what happened... I have 3 followers.. one is me XD  I set my blogspot to Japanese which I am still learning and I can't quite figure out what's going on >.<  The second follower is a person who I just randomly followed and they probably felt the need to be nice by following back.  The third follower is probably the only one that reads my posts.  Thank you Elyssa for reading  my posts ^.^
Well since I am not writing to a large audience... I will express some emotion.  I am going to try to blog each day so I can come back in a while and read what happened.... I will write most of what happened... I usually keep my true feelings to myself >.<

Why the sudden change?  You are actually going to be blogging more now?
My mom feels I am a waste of money.  My dreams are irrelevant and impossible.  I might have had a chance if I didn't wear a hijab... You know what mom?  When I didn't wear a hijab you still thought my dream was useless and you said only rich people get to become actors.  I practically didn't exist to you.  When I decided to wear a hijab I existed to you and mattered for a about 2-3 months... What is this? Some immature adolescent dating relationship?  I don't exist anymore.  Do I not matter?  You are never been supportive... you're the reason I doubt myself so much.  You are the reason I am reserved.  You are the reason I act the way I do.  Can't you at least care?  Why'd you keep me around if you are not going to even say a nice word to me?
Yeah sure.  My dream is hopeless.  A waste of time and money.... I am have this useless dream since I was in fourth grade!   What am I supposed to do?!?!?  I have worked hard to practice acting, dancing, and singing all by myself in my room but you yell at me to quiet down.  You let me go to classes in fifth grade thinking, ugh she's been nagging me for a year fine.  Now I ask for classes and you say it's a waste of money we don't have.  I am tired of the money excuse!  Nothing can happen since we have no money.  We can't go on vacation... I am not asking to go to Seattle!  God forbid going to Disney World.  I am asking to just go to some place here in our town that we haven't been to... Like can't we just have a picnic by the river?  Let me guess... you are busy with your three jobs and we don't have time or money to spend on food and gas.  Eat what we have.....  okay... thanks... I'll enjoy tomato paste.. thanks food banks of America.... Your stocks of tomato paste are never ending are they?

Fine.... I have said this to myself so many times:  I can do this by myself then!  If my own mother will only shoot me down I will work hard myself.
All 1,223,775,908 times I have said this to myself I only get strength through the night... why through the night?  I usually have this thought during the night... But when that burning gas ball comes to wake me up in the morning my strength is gone.  I remember my mom doesn't approve.  She doesn't care.

Some people go on with their lives without their parents... well my culture is all about family... It's too hard to let go of myself.... We are raised to believe you only have family... Americans say "friends come and go, but you will always have family"  .... So my friends will leave me and my unsuportive family will ditch me as well... So basically my status as a human being is "non-existant."  YAY


Tomorrow we go and clean the mosque.  We clean it because we need the money.  You know how fun it is to clean chairs, tables and floors for 3 hours straight?  that is my job.  I get to inhale Clorox and whatever else for three hours... who needs Oxygen?  We need money to live not O2. 
What sucks?  We only clean once a month... That's not enough. 

Oh well.  We'll deal.  We manage as a family.  I am just the third wheel.  The red sheep... why red?  There's a community of black sheep building up.